Sometimes, I start to reflect. That's a scary thing to do. I almost always end up feeling a little uncomfortable and worried. The reason why is that it's really easy to see the hand of the Lord in our lives, influencing our path. And, you (rightly) say, that's not a bad thing! But after the feeling of amazement at everything that has happened, I always end up at the same conclusion: where is this train going?
There are two possible answers. One is that this really is what all the preparation was for, and after this we'll go back to our "normal lives". That's just depressing. I'm investing a lot of effort to learn a lot of things right now, and I would be sad if it was all over in 5 years, just like that.
The other possibility is that this is just the beginning. And that scares me, too. First off, this adventure is very wonderful, but I do always feel like I'm right on the ragged edge of disaster. (This always makes me feel bad, because all the families in the branch have been dealing with the distances and the trials of a small branch and everything for a long time. And a lot of them have done the branch president thing, too...when their families were younger...Well, at least they weren't learning a language, too...) But the bigger thing that scares me is being overwhelmed by having significance in God's grand plan. It's easier to believe in a God with small plans for your life - serve your neighbors, make the world a better place in simple ways, teach your family. It's a little bit more intimidating to consider that actually, this life is a big deal. That God needs me to do something, and hopefully I don't mess it up!
This is about the point in reflection that I stop and catch myself and remember that it doesn't really matter where the train goes, it will be a lot of fun, and trying to predict the future is a waste of time. And I pull myself back into my normal life of cleaning up shoes and making dinner and trying to be a good person. Phew.
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