Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Communication is so essential in marriage!

Tuesday night is Marriner's "Branch Night" where he goes up to the church after work and does all his interviews and meetings that he can't fit in on Sunday. And I think I've mentioned before the night-owl-ish nature of some of the people in this Branch...so...Marriner is out pretty late sometimes! (Since those very same night owls might be really confused if they read this, let me define "out really late" as "getting home after 10pm." Hey, I'm an early-to-bed sort. )

So this last Tuesday, Marriner got home about 10:30. I was so tired. So was Marriner. He came in and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. We tried making small talk, but it sorta failed. It's a little hard to start a conversation because I don't know what parts of his day were sensitive or confidential, and I don't want to start a conversation about something I shouldn't have. And it's even harder when everyone's a little tired and grumpy. So finally, after a few false starts, I just blurted out, "There has to have been SOMETHING that happened today that wasn't confidential. Tell me about it!"

Marriner thought for a second then he responded enthusiastically, "I know! Lige has a talk on Sunday!"

And I'll just stop right there. :)

Princess Mom

More Martha...because she's really cute.


Transcript: Hi, my name is Christine. This is my daughter. She wants to tell you her name. (To Martha:) Hey, what's your name?
Martha: Princess Mom.
Me: What?!? Why are you Princess Mom?
Martha: Dress!
Me: Ooohhh...it's a princess dress. Why mom?
Martha: Dress!
Me: So, wearing a dress makes you a mom?
Martha: Uh-huh!
Me: You're cute. Bye!!

Going from failure to failure

An inherent part of learning a new language and entering a new culture is messing up. And I was pretty ok with that when we were brand new. But being in a sustained mode of constantly messing up is hard on the morale. It's easy to get stressed out. It's easy to want to hide.

I started off with the decision to be enthusiastically engaged in the work. But one of the side effects of enthusiasm is making a high number of rookie mistakes. I cringe to think of how many dumb things I've signed and done - both because my language skills were lacking AND because my thinking and understanding were lacking! 

Should I have been more reserved at the beginning, to keep from offending people or hurting feelings? Maybe. But one thing I'm sure about - the Lord calls people who don't know what they're doing ALL. THE. TIME. And He expects us to learn by doing. And if you don't do, you don't learn. So maybe I'm a little over-enthusiastic, but I guess I'd rather be reprimanded for being too enthusiastic than for being timid...ok, I'd rather strike the perfect balance of caution and boldness, and be amazing, but since instant perfections isn't one of the options, I'll take boldness.

So, since FAILURE is a theme of my life right now, here are some amazing quotes from a General Conference talk that spoke directly to me, by Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy. Because now that the newness of not knowing what I'm doing has worn off, my next step is to continue from failure to failure without losing any enthusiasm. So here we go!

"To learn a foreign language, one must face the embarrassment of making thousands of mistakes—maybe even a million." (See, I told you he was talking directly to me!)
“Success,” it has been said, “isn’t the absence of failure, but going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.”1
"Repentance is God’s ever-accessible gift that allows and enables us to go from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm. Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will. This is the gospel of repentance, and as President Russell M. Nelson has observed, it will be “a lifetime curriculum.”
 “Change” is the principal word the Guide to the Scriptures uses to define repentance: “A change of mind and heart that brings a fresh attitude toward God, oneself, and life in general.”18 That kind of change results in spiritual growth. Our success, then, isn’t going from failure to failure, but growing from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.
We may wonder—if both Nephi and Moses were on the Lord’s errand, why didn’t the Lord intervene and help them achieve success on their first try? Why did He allow them—and why does He allow us—to flounder and fail in our attempts to succeed? Among many important answers to that question, here are a few:
  • First, the Lord knows that “these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good.”4
  • Second, to allow us to “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good.”5
  • Third, to prove that “the battle is the Lord’s,”6 and it is only by His grace that we can accomplish His work and become like Him.7
  • Fourth, to help us develop and hone scores of Christlike attributes that cannot be refined except through opposition8 and “in the furnace of affliction.”9
 So, Christine, just remember that.





Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Encouragement

Two people said we were doin' good this week!

One sweet sister commented to my husband during a meeting how much his wife had improved at ASL. I really needed to hear that. I knew I had improved at ASL - for example, I sometimes understand things with the sound off now :) I just wanted to call her up and say, "Thanks for noticing! As a matter of fact, I have been working my tail end off!" I've been so much more enthusiastic at studying this week!

The second compliment was for Martha - someone told Marriner that he was impressed by how well she signed. Of course, everyone is, because a 3-yr old signing is over-the-top adorable, and it's impossible to not love everything about it. But he then connected some extra dots and told Marriner he could tell we were really working hard on ASL at home.

So, all in one week, my value as an individual AND as a mother have been validated by people whose opinions I value. I feel really loved and happy. :)

The timing is good, too, because Sam's having a tough time. He got a new Primary teacher who is Deaf. His previous teachers had talked in class. Sam is really struggling with having to pay attention by watching his teacher. He doesn't understand everything, which frustrates him, and he shuts down. Honestly, I think he'd understand most things if he'd keep his eyes on the teacher. But that's easier for some 5-yr olds than others! And he just doesn't like FEELING like he doesn't know what's going on, even if he can get it eventually.

Last week, we decided to be proactively friendly. We put some pretzels in a little box for Sam to take to his class and share with everyone. The idea was that  you can't feel left out and shy when you're reaching out to others. Unfortunately, his teacher got sick, and his previous teacher was the sub, so I don't know if the treat made things better or worse.

But it's ok, a little encouragement can help a person keep trying, and I'm sure he'll conquer soon enough!

Mr. President

We saw a friend who has been deployed for the last year today. I asked him something, and he responded, "Oh yeah, President Merrill said...." I was so surprised, my brain was like, "Who are you talking about?" I mean, I didn't even know he knew yet that President Merrill was a president :)

We use titles of respect in the church. Everyone at church is "Brother Jones" or "Sister Jones". If a person is a president of a class, quorum, or branch, then they become "President Jones." A bishop is always "Bishop Jones."

Marriner has been "President Merrill" before - but never to me. He was the president of the Elders' Quorum, which is the adult men. Then he was the president of the young men. And all the men called him President, but I wasn't ever really a part of it.

As I'm sure many of you have experienced, transitioning to using formal titles was a process for me, anyway. Being called Sister Turner when I joined Relief Society about killed me - that was my mom!! When I went on a mission, everyone called me Sister Turner. It was weird to me. But I really came to love my title, complete with accent: "Sees-ter (or, just plain Ter) Toor-ner" To my friends from the Philippines, I'm still "Ter".

The really hard one was when I got married, and suddenly had the same name as my mother-in-law, who had been a bit of a mentor for years, but she was still as old as my mother. Marriner enjoys formality more than I do, he didn't have any problem being Brother Merrill. But I never called him that.

After we moved to Indiana, but still didn't have kids, we taught the 6 and 7-yr olds in Primary together. Really, that was a great time together, even though we didn't really know what we were doing. In fact, that's probably what made it so great. And that was where we transformed from Marriner and Christine to Brother and Sister Merrill, dynamic-duo-not-to-be-outsmarted-by-little-kids! Brother and Sister Merrill were such a great team that sometimes, we'd stay as Brother and Sister Merrill long after Primary had ended. You know, at home eating dinner and asking, "Brother Merrill, can you pass me the milk?" (Which is a funny example, because our table was so small, you could reach anything without needing it passed...those were the days, my friends!) I think we got so into being Brother and Sister Merrill, our kids are lucky we didn't just tell them to call us that instead of Dad and Mom... It was a great time of working and serving together, maturing and learning, and preparing us to not flunk at parenthood.

So I know that to the world, my husband's name is President Merrill right now, but to me, he is and always will be my one and only Brother Merrill, my best teammate and partner in service.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Mother's Day

If you know me well, you know I'm not a very formal person. Not very into pomp and ceremony, and certainly not awkward ones. So about 10  years ago, when Marriner came home from church one day and said he didn't think I'd mind if he had a little meeting before church on Mother's day, he got a really big surprise at my reaction. The poor guy was shut down in an instant and sent back into the church to reschedule his meeting. (That last part might not be accurate...but the sentiment is.)

My basic feeling about Mother's day is that I make sacrifices for everyone else's causes 364 days of the year, and Mother's day is the day I don't. No, I'm not getting the kids ready for church myself. No, I'm not making my own breakfast. No, I'm not going to say, "Oh, it's ok, I don't mind." Just no. The only thing you need to worry about that day is your mother and the mother of your children. I think this is a good policy to have. Not only does it help children and husbands have the experiences that help them not take their mothers for granted, it helps free up everyone else the husband might have spent time with that day to go be with their mothers and wives.

I'm really glad I put my foot down so many years ago. It really paid off this year, when Marriner didn't even ask if he could have a meeting before church. Nor did he ask if I could bathe the babies while he sent a few urgent texts.

Did I enjoy my one week out of every 52 of not getting everyone out the door all by myself? Oh, you bet I did. I enjoyed every second of the entire day, in fact. Husbands are great. I'd rather forgotten how great they really are.

Really, the whole day was one never to forget. It started a few weeks ago, when I got so mad at our can opener, which was not-so-slowly deteriorating in performance. I said, "Kids, at some point, your dad is going to ask what you should get me for Mother's day, and you're going to tell him I want a really nice can opener." Which was absolutely true. The kids did their duty, but Marriner couldn't get over the lameness of giving Mom a can opener for Mother's day. Aha! Theme party to the rescue!

For breakfast, they served canned corned beef hash with toast. For lunch, canned tuna melt sandwiches. For dinner, canned ravioli, canned fruit salad and canned green bean almondine. They threw in canned apple juice at the last minute (even though it didn't need a can opener to open it...there was some discussion on whether it qualified for inclusion. It won on sweetness). The can opener was a cool left-handed one. Alas, it didn't actually open the cans. We learned this after throwing out the old one. I think the blade was a little too short to puncture the can. Anyway, they ended up pulling out the leatherman and opening the cans "the manly way." For dessert, they served canned Snickers. Because Mom likes Snickers, but they had to make it fit in the theme :) They'd cut the bottom off a can, made a (shockingly realistic) Snickers label and glued the bottom back on after inserting the Snickers bar. They glued it with shoe goo, which did a great job on the can. But then came the only point where the day wasn't quite perfect: when I went to eat the Snickers, it tasted like chocolate shoe goo. It was quite sad. So now you know - whatever comes out of shoe goo is NOT appropriate for food. But we also made apple pie milkshakes with canned sweetened condensed milk, and thoroughly enjoyed that! The theme just made the whole day fun and silly, and it was one of the best Mothers days ever.

At church, they gave us all a cool sunflower after Sacrament meeting, which was quite lovely. Then one of the brethren came up to the Branch Pres and said, "You know, traditionally, the men will take Primary on Mother's day so the sisters can have a day off..." Too bad nobody mentioned that a week earlier, but hey. So after some consulting, the Primary decided to pass the kids off. It was fun to go to RS. My ASL would improve a lot faster if I went to classes with adults every week :) But I laughed while I heard the kids singing across the hall. I'd planned a singing time of Sister Merrill's favorite songs - after all, it's Mother's day, so I get to sing what I want, right? Then I got kicked out - so they sang all my favorite songs...without me... :)

At the end of Relief Society, just after we finished the closing prayer, the Branch clerk burst in and said (translated), "Wait, wait! We want to tell you all that you're way more special than just one flower, you're all as special as a LOT of flowers!" And then all the men and YM came in with little bouquets of daisies for everyone. It was well done, and very cute.

Oh yeah, and the kids did a beautiful job of singing in Sacrament meeting. They cheesed it up in the most appropriate of ways to show their love for Mom, and I was most impressed. I didn't cry, but I did smile a really, really big smile!

So, Happy Mother's day, gals. Even (especially) those of you who aren't moms in the traditional sense.

Friday, May 11, 2018

I love to see the temple

There are two universal truths that come into play in this story.

  1. Our family goes to the temple once a month. We've been doing this since 2003, when we moved to Indiana. It didn't change when we moved to Maryland, and it's still the same even though we're back to long distances (relatively) travelling to the Philadelphia temple. 
  2. Marriner is always working on waking up earlier and getting to work faster in the morning. It's been like that since before 2003.
Although Marriner and I both go to the Philadelphia temple once a month, just like we did the Washington DC temple, Marriner has felt a little loss. He used to be a temple worker twice a month, which gave him some extra time in the temple. And now that he's the branch president, he feels even more than usual the need for that closeness to God that comes in the temple.

A few weeks ago, Marriner's wake up alarm changed from whatever pleasant-but-firm tone was the default on his tablet to "I Love to See the Temple." I have to say, it is wonderful to wake up to. Or, not wake up to, in my case, because I usually roll over and go back to sleep. Did you ever see the study showing that women need more sleep than men? I took it to heart :)
Well, last night it came out why he'd switched. (Note: it's not like he was hiding it from me. We just don't get a lot of time for small talk right now.) He set a goal to build up 8 hours of "comp time" at work - that means, if you work more than your 40 hours a week, you can apply the excess time on another day. It's not vacation time, it's just flexible work time. (This is one of the great things about getting a PhD - you're more likely to get a flexible schedule! Woohoo!) Once he had  hours of comp time, he could take a day off and go to the temple an extra time.

I think it's really awesome that Marriner is really succeeding right now at his "early to rise" goals. And I think it's really, really awesome that the temple is what's motivating him to do it. I just hope when he meets his goal, he invites me and the kids to come with him, even though I'm totally not Mrs. Early To Rise right now! :)

Sunday, May 6, 2018

My kids want to be The Piano Guys.

A few weeks ago, someone needed some emergency help, and I abandoned my older kids at home to run and help. Friends, can I just tell you what good kids I have? These kids see their mom run out the door somewhat frantically, and they put their heads together and decide to help Mom out.

First off, they cleaned up breakfast all by themselves. Without being told to. Like, all the way, all the way. That's something that's never happened before!

Then they decided to write a piano song to play when I came in the door so I could come in and have some nice music to help me not be stressed out. I don't think this is the sort of thing my sisters and I thought of when we were kids. (Sorry, sibs, guess we just weren't so cool after all.) So after some discussion (which I predict might have been heated at times, maybe just as well that Mom wasn't home!) they decided to write a Piano Guys song. So this is what I walked in the door to hear (because they set a watchman at the window to make sure they knew when I pulled up):


Of course, I didn't record it the first time, I had to make them play it again so I could take a movie. Which is a really funny part of our society. But aren't you glad I did it, anyway?

I think my favorite part is how Ellis lets Martha play the last note. They're artistic enough that they don't want her to ruin the song, but humane enough to not want to leave anyone out.

Ah...I love these kiddos.

Martha-moo, sign-er-oo

This week was Martha week :) She's cute. She can sign. She usually whispers at the same time. She has an adorable smile. She makes us all happy. (Except when she skips her nap. 'Nuff said.)

I was very bad and took a movie of her saying her prayer a few days ago. Alas, my camera beeped when I pushed the record button, so she knew she was performing. But she's still cute, anyway.


That thing she's saying at the end that looks like food: That's an M for John Mikkael, who had gotten appendicitis that week.

Here's Martha's other cute video, from our branch service project. She was working with Sister Robinson to put things in bags, and she just thought it was great :) As you can tell. The noise in the background is hair dryers, drying paint on the bags.


Alright, we're all feeling happier now. Have a great rest of the day!

An interesting development...

Every week, I play prelude music on the organ to set a reverent mood in the chapel while people are gathering. Though many people can't hear, there are still a lot that can, especially the kids, who need some reminders to be quiet and get themselves ready for the sacrament. So it's good.

When we sing, we use pre-recorded hymns with people singing in the recording. It helps those of us who are singing to not feel like we're singing in a vacuum, and it works well for signing. Since the person leading the music isn't conducting the beat, it's harder for the organist to set a good tempo and such. One time, the music conductor was deaf, and we just didn't end at remotely the same time. But she could hear the pre-recorded music a bit better, so she'd never had that problem before.

Last week, the cord that hooks the conductor's phone into the sound system went missing. I was called upon to play the organ at the last minute, hooray for backup plans. Or maybe not - if our family wasn't there, how many other people would care if they just skipped the music and signed the song together without it? But whatever, we got music.

This week, the cord was still missing....

Lige is one of the music conductors. He does the music by playing the video of the song in ASL on my tablet, with the sound playing over the speakers. Tonight we realized that he'd better change his plans for this month, in case the cord is still gone! He's going to have to write down his signs or something, because he can't watch the movie and have the organ play, too. What if the organ is just a little bit faster than the movie?

Maybe we need to start praying for the cord to show up! :)